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angelicdevyl
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Looking back on previous journal entries, I realize they read like an evolution of my life. It's kind of funny to me. I changed the format of my journal just for the hell of it. I'd probably update more except the only time I can do it is at work because my home computer is trashed and we don't have internet yet. His computer works but we can't afford cable modem just yet. So anyway, the Pianoman and I bought a condo together. Never thought I'd meet someone I'd trust enough to move out of my parents house with much less get financially involved in a home purchase. He came up with most of the money we needed to move in. We moved in New Year's weekend which sucked. We threw out a lot of stuff...mostly his stuff that he's accumulated over the years. The moving part wasn't too difficult. He knows a lot of large men. I'm happy with it. I mean it's not exactly my dream home, but pretty good for a first one. The floor is easy to keep clean, all ceramic tile, no carpet to soak up nasty smells. The dog won't even go to the bathroom inside, which is what I wanted. It's so nice to have a housebroken dog ;) We have a dishwasher so we don't have to wash dishes by hand any more. The bedroom is huge, we got a new king size bed and we each have our own closets. There's a screen patio that we may be able to wall in if we want to. And, the best part of it is..we aren't paying rent and making someone else rich..we are paying towards something that we'll either be able to keep or sell to get something better. It's not really in a bad area either..it kind of looks like it cause the outside of the complex is being remodeled because of rotting wood. Once it's remodeled it will look nicer. We also have bats. I don't like bats. I was divebombed by one when I was younger and that was creepy. They fly into the light from the light pole that is right in front of our patio, and snatch up the bugs. Oh well, I guess bats are better than roaches or rats. Work is so boring, we have a bunch of new people and we have to let them get the phones so they can learn. One of the new people used to be a delivery driver who turned into the oncoming traffic and got T-boned or something. It was completely her fault but somehow if we fire her or something she gets workman's comp. If she gets workman's comp our WC insurance goes up or something like that. She is either completely stupid or she's the smartest woman alive and faking it. She's made so many mistakes and management's hands are tied so they can't fire her until after she is released from light duty by a doctor or something. Yesterday she clocked back in for 2 minutes because one of the drivers wouldn't move his car fast enough for her, so she could get out. Hopefully they'll be able to get rid of her by Valentine's day so we don't have to deal with her messes. They've started a file on her mistakes. They fired someone else recently because she tried to find another job on company time. She asked customers about employment opportunities, She went to job interviews when she was supposed to be here, and come to find out after she got fired, she put her personal email account into outlook express here at work and was writing dirty emails back and forth with a married man in Georgia because she didn't have a computer at home. I knew she was on her way out. I just get a feeling about people sometimes after they start working here for a while. Either they won't be able to handle the stress of a major holiday, won't be able to handle the pervs and their comments in the design room, much less the rest of us who can be pretty pervish ourselves sometimes, or the pay and pay raises aren't what they think. As for me I may start looking for a new job after Valentine's day. I dread a whole summer of being bored. I would also like to make more money because pay raises are few and far between. My brother's girlfriend is making more than me and she's only been at her job for a year. I'm also very very bored with my job. In 3 days the Pianoman and I will have been together for 6 months. We have seen each other every day since the day we met, and moved in together shortly after. I've never been happier in a relationship. He always makes me feel secure and loved. I don't have to completely support him or wonder where he is and who he's with and who's calling him or who he's calling. Nobody I've ever dated has been so completely honest with me. We support each other although he pays most of the bills. I'd marry him tomorrow if he asked me to. But I know that's not going to happen any time soon. We both agreed to wait a year of living together before we do that. I really don't mind either way. Just having him in my life is enough. He's still my preciousssssss ;)
Current Mood: |
 bored |
Current Music: |
the crap they are playing at work | |
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...Devyl writes in her LJ. I feel so naughty doing this at work. We aren't really supposed to be playing around on the company time. But my question is what the hell else are we supposed to do? *rolls eyes* For all those wondering where the heck I've been....I have no excuse other than a boyfriend that is actually willing to spend time with me. Whether it's watching tv, movies, playing video games, etc. And I like spending time with him. It's been nearly 4 months and we haven't had any major issues. We are planning on buying some sort of home whether it be a condo or manufactured home cause that's the only decent things we can find under $100,000 that AREN'T in crack town. Well from what I read in the paper condos are soon to become the same overpriced cardboard boxes that homes have become. We found a manufactured home park (pc for trailer park) with some decent homes in them with land that we have been looking at. I don't really care where we live so long as he goes to work regular and pays his own bills (like cc and stuff) and treats me well. I feel kind of bad though because he pays most of the bills and I only pay like half the rent (before it went up $100) and groceries every now and then cause my job doesn't pay shit....I'm not used to being the one who doesn't fully contribute *laugh* But he doesn't complain and is appreciative of what I do give. I'm not going to get cheesy...there are cheesy Pianoman feelings but I'm not as keen to express them as I used to be. I love him and he doesn't cause me worry or heartache and he cares about anything that might be bothering me...and I'll leave it at that. Ok, maybe I'll get cheesy in a later post but I'm not in a cheese mood. Well, I should get back to work...or the lack thereof.
Current Mood: |
bored |
Current Music: |
Elton John - playing on the radio at work | |
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Damned if I didn't get to the makeup testing center and not only did I forget my picture ID..they didn't have the test there that I had to make up. *hisses like a Mudokan* I swear, something is trying to tell me that I need to pick something other than Accounting. I wonder if Full Sail has a porn directing degree ;) D's b/f says that they tell all their students to stay away from the porn industry cause after that you can't get any other type of work. I watched 'Boogie Nights' last night with the Pianoman. Phrase of the week 'I'm a magician'. I've been thinking about checking out the local Stenotype school. It's sounded interesting ever since I took American Sign Language and the teacher told us about jobs doing closed captioning typing. I can type regularly like a fiend so I'm sure it wouldn't be much harder. My head hurts from the large amounts of gasoline fumes in the house. |
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I could be studying right now but I don't think there is any use. I am going to fail my Accounting test and have to repeat the course. I didn't study even remotely enough. There's just too much material to try to study last minute like I usually do. Some might say the fact that now I have a boyfriend has everything to do with it, but that's bollocks. I mean it might be in a sense because when I signed up for classes and formed a routine I didn't have a boyfriend and had to work him in there somewhere. The fact of the matter is that I'm partially burnt out from school and am wondering if I should try and pursue a different career/educational path. I've just been doing Accounting for the same reason dad did, the money I can make one day. I have no real zest for it or any other career path at the moment. It's like I'm in a rut. And I started feeling this way before I got the boyfriend. Now I have a headache. The house smelled like gasoline since I walked in after taking my truck to the shop for the recall work. My stupid brother left a gasoline leaking lawnmower in the garage with the door closed and I opened the garage door to the outside but it's still just as bad. Later after my test I have to go grocery shopping for my parents....not paying rent is good, but c'mon. Now mom isn't doing lawns with my brother anymore and she has a perfectly good car and does nothing all day but play video games. I have a job, go to school, have a boyfriend and friends I like to spend time with, AND have to do Grandma's running around at inconvenient times. Something's got to give I swear.
Current Mood: |
 aggravated |
Current Music: |
Bon Jovi - 'Miracle' | |
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I'm at my parents house doing laundry and realized that I inadvertantly brought home one of the Pianoman's shirts that was on the floor with my clothes. So what did I do? Saved it to wash last and smelled it a few times. hehe He was so afraid that I was leaving him last night when I went to gather up my clothing to bring here to wash. He looked like someone had just stabbed him when he said 'You are leaving me aren't you?' I hugged him and reassured him that I was going to come back. Apparently nobody ever makes it past the 3 month point, they usually get sick of him or bored with him or whatever. He's everything I've ever wanted in a guy, and a couple things that would be a complete turnoff to others after a while are at least tolerable to me. He thinks that I will get jealous of his music because there will be times that he won't be able to be with me because he's got a gig or practice or whatnot. I see his music as like if he still worked as a P.I....he wouldn't be around every time I needed him then either. Alone time has never been a bad thing ;) On the downside, I may have lost a good friend as well. Someone is jealous of the Pianoman and disapproves of him entirely. I guess I just have to give him his space and hope that one day he gets over it. The Pianoman finally met Damen and Avalon. Avalon's first impression was good and she usually has good judgement about these things...I think Damen was happy that someone talked to him about his fish and played video games with him. I know Damen has been wanting a guy friend to bond with, and the Pianoman doesn't have any real hangout friends, just his screwball bandmembers and people out to use him. I hope he can see my friends as his friends one day and not just my friends. I find myself talking about him like he's going to be around for a long time. I really think he is, I don't get the warning signs I usually miss in the beginning. He doesn't need 'guy time', he is willing to get to know my friends, he doesn't ask me for money, he shows me that he thinks of me when I'm gone...*sigh* lucky lucky me :)
Current Mood: |
 happy | |
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It's a week later and the Pianoman and I are very much in love. I know, after only one week it sounds silly, but it's true. It's like having the piece I've always been missing, the sheath to my naked sword. I think he's the icing on the 'kiss the past goodbye' new years resolution cake. His love more than makes up for all the shit I've had to deal with in the past. I know that only time will tell.....but I think this time it truly will. Today I also told Damen's brother G (the former crush) about me and the Pianoman. He didn't even flinch, but I know him and he could have been a little upset about it. I left after he went into the bedroom and just kinda disappeared once Damen got home from work. I hope he's ok cause I still care about him. I don't think I explained it well enough. I suck with words in person.
Current Mood: |
cheerful |
Current Music: |
Meatloaf - 'Out of the frying pan' | |
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I have a date on Saturday nite with the pianoman. Sorry guys, I won't be able to hang out this Saturday. We were talking by phone and I was talking about how I do the grocery shopping and the Christmas shopping and other stuff around here and he said he was scared that I was already "settled" and I had to assure him that I was open to other options with my life. HE was worried about getting attached to me and then finding out it wasn't going anywhere for that reason. The other day he even said getting allergy shots because of my cats wasn't out of the question. Is this guy for real? I would like him to be...details aren't fully set yet for the date. He wants to see a movie, and for this first time I think I will meet him at the theatre or something. Finally, to find a man that is interested in something more than getting a piece....Well, I'm hopeful but not stupid :) I'll believe THAT when I see it. Other than that I'm kinda scared of being a disappointment and just like the last couple o guys I met off the internet, meet me and then I never hear from them again. I'll have to remember to ask him why he likes me so damn much when he doesn't even really know me. He says he thinks about me every night before he goes to bed, before he called he told me online that he misses my voice. He calls me the girl of his dreams. My cynical self-flaggelating ass is like 'Why?'. I can barely stand myself half the time, so why would someone else? Especially with my history with men. It's like they just kept me around because of a lack of anything better to do and not particulary because they liked, loved, or were even into me at all. I just want to find out about the pianoman either way so I can move on or stop worrying about it. It would be nice if he was who he said he was..really nice. He asked if tomorrow would be too soon at first. hehe I told him that tomorrow wouldn't be good because I am going to be hanging out with Avalon and her mom to await the arrival of the new Harry Potter book. I haven't seen her mom in quite a while, I feel ashamed of myself. She is like my own mom to me. I even went out and bought an energy drink so I can stay out as late as need be ;) The only bad thing about being at Wally World is that I can't spend any money on crap like I usually do. I maxed out 2 of my credit cards buying new glasses. I still have one card left, but I need to save that for while the crush is here and the rest of the summer until I either get financial aide or can't get into UCF this semester and get a second job (or even a new better job) to pay bills. Paying credit card minimum payments only works for so long. Well, off to bed so I can get up early for the chiropractor.
Current Mood: |
hopeful |
Current Music: |
Nightwish | |
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Yesterday I went on the casino boat with my parents, I didn't win anything but boy did I stuff my face. The cocktail lady never came to where I happened to be this time. Every time I wanted something to drink without having to pay for it I had to go back up to the buffet line and get a coke. It's a good thing I have a strong stomach otherwise I'd have been seasick with the boat moving around so much. Then I came home and had some nummy chinese food from JJ Chengs and then called the pianoman. He had said that if I called him he would think I liked him, and it took me a few days to try and decide if that was really so. I think about him a lot and wonder what dating him would be like. So yeah, I guess I do. Friday I get to hang out with Avalon and her mom at the Wal-Mart cause they want the new Harry Potter book. I enjoy spending time with people that I can talk about anything I like around. Saturday I'll probably do the usual and hang out with Avalon and Damen and D&S like we do every weekend. Sunday I will probably go to the airport with Avalon and Damen to pick up his brother (the crush) because he's my friend regardless of how I feel about him or anyone else. Maybe we can talke D&S into coming if it's not too late in the evening that he comes in. I'm sure he'd be delighted if everyone came to the airport just for him. He'll be here for a week.
Current Mood: |
bored |
Current Music: |
Ozzy Osbourne - 'Fool like you' | |
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So I do argue sometimes. But I think I got my point across. Go me. My hair smells like hair dye. It isn't black cause I ran myself out of money on my credit card buying new glasses. At least it was a responsible purchase this time..to get glasses before I ran myself out of money. It's a dark red again. It will fade as usual exposing my icky greys. Dad's just happy it isn't orangeish anymore left over from before Avalon's wedding. The eye doctor knew I had to drive home and dilated my eyes anyway and handed me some faux sunglasses and sent me on my way. I think the very next time I need glasses I'm going in for the Lasik surgery. 2 pairs of glasses cost just as much almost as doing the surgery for one eye. I need a new job with better health insurance. Crap, I forgot to go exercise. Well there's always tomorrow. I should study tonight anyway.
Current Mood: |
 amused |
Current Music: |
Aerosmith - 'Aint That a Bitch' | |
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My damn computer keeps having problem after problem. There are no viruses that Norton picks up, nothing else that I can see that would cause shit to shut down and the blue screen of death which has come up at least 3 times today. It's probably time for a reformat of the hard drive. I wish I could find a male review for me and Avalon to go to while Damen and his brother go to the boobie bar. I wish I could study but I think I'm severely burnt out on these classes. I think I'm going to dye my hair black tomorrow and get my eyebrows waxed and dyed to match. I will look awesome I think. I wish SCC would send UCF my transcripts already. 'Yeah, there's a hole in my soul but one thing I've learned, for every love letter written there's another one burned' - Aerosmith No Biloxi for me, but I'm going with mom and dad to the Sterling casino boat. The hotel in Biloxi called dad up and cancelled his reservations without giving him a choice. Dad rented a Chevy Monte Carlo for the trip. He's just gonna take it to the boat Monday and Tuesday. My Uncle who was supposed to pick up grandma just ASSUMED that we wouldn't be going and didn't even call or anything. I need a movie to watch...
Current Mood: |
crappy |
Current Music: |
Aerosmith - 'Hole in my soul' | |
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You know, some people are really starting to disgust me. This wouldn't bother me so much if the party changing and using other people's pictures as school projects and icons, keep going on and on about how over the other party they are and how the other party need to stop looking at their MSN blogs. WHEN THE PARTY USING AND CREATING SUCH PICTURES DO/HAVE DONE THE SAME SHIT. Hippocrites disgust me. I disgust myself on the off chance I am being one. I'm a step away from blocking the user/creator completely from my life and without any ado, just like I did cheeseboy. I don't leave with fanfare. I don't fight or argue or even tell people why I am never to be seen or heard from again. And i just have to say this yet again for the record...MEN! One is probably bad for me, one I know is good for me, but I'll probably never have either on a permanent basis. I hate it when Avalon is right, and she usually is. That doesn't mean that I won't indulge in my fantasy world longer than I probably should with the pianoman if it comes to that. Avalon will just have to support me and be there for me and try and remember that I am not her *smiles* I'll just be aware in the back of my mind that we'll most likely never live together or marry or anything else that relationships evolve into. I know Logically I'll never be able to part with my kitties, and he'll probably never be able to part with Mary J. I'm not going to screw up school, or my financial situation, or my life in general. The crush I just kind of take it as it comes with. I'm also a step away from just going back to giving up on men altogether again. I can't find one that is good for me and wants me. One that can fully accept the Angel and the Devyl and not try to make me be one or the other. Someone who fits into my life, someone who Avalon approves of, Someone who will get along with my friends and want to be around them, Someone who will never let me down.... Well, I should get back to studying now.
Current Mood: |
melancholy |
Current Music: |
Queen - 'Who wants to live forever' | |
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I've been talking to someone online for a couple weeks now, and I just tonight talked with him on the phone for the first time. He seems like he's really into me, and so far he's been patient about me not wanting to meet him for the first time at his place. I've been wrong before but I think I could actually date him if he asked me out. It's been a long time since I've actually dated someone, and I've never just 'dated' someone. (I don't count the fuckhead diplomat) It's always been one serious relationship after the other that's been a letdown. It's strange because I haven't actually gone out with anyone that I was kinda interested in, in 4 years. The last guy I went on 3 dates with him because I think everyone with enough courage deserves a chance. But that didn't work and since then, there really hasn't been anyone worthwhile except the crush and he lives so far away and is still young yet. I'm not going to go into detail about him right now, but the guy I've been talking to is the keyboardist in a new local power metal band. I'll refer to him as 'the pianoman'in future posts. The crush is visiting in a couple weeks. I told him about talking to the pianoman, and I mentioned possibly dating him, but I don't know if he is ok with it, or whatever. I really really really don't want to hurt the crush. I care for him so much and the only thing pushing me in the pianoman's direction is the crush's lack of enthusiasm or jealousy. I know if the crush had a chance to date someone in his state he wouldn't pass it up. He would be stupid to...just as I would be stupid to pass up my opportunity. I might just be worried over nothing. I'm sure the crush would be happy for me if the pianoman was good to me...I don't know. I told the pianoman that I was pretty much giving up on the crush but he doesn't know the backstory of it. I don't think he knows that the crush is visiting in 2 weeks. I'll just have to tell the pianoman that the crush is one of my best friends and I want to spend lots of time with him because he probably won't be back for a while. I'm not ready to bring the pianoman to meet my friends yet anyway cause I don't really know him that well. But from what I do know, I think they would like him. They might not like everything about him, but he seems like the kind of person that might fit in ok...he's got the 'ee' sound at the end of his name hehe *winks at Avalon* Oh well, we shall see. I'm going to be careful regardless. I'm really tired of ending up sitting around wondering 'what the hell happened?' I'm going to take things with the pianoman as slow as they Devyl part of me will allow the Angel to get away with. The crush will have to be set aside in that way until I see what the future brings....... Aside from that...my fucking computer hates me. I had virii, spyware, adware and anything else that could possibly annoy me. My computer crashed 3 times, a total system failure. So I bought Norton Antivirus, changed my spyware programs cause they seemed to be doing no good whatsoever, even Norton can't remove the spyware. I optimized the hard drive, ran a windows and disk check and did the usuall battery of crap that I do short of reformatting that I always end up doing when shit like this happens. It always goes away...for a while.
Current Mood: |
worried |
Current Music: |
Nightwish - 'Nemo' | |
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How do you get a guy to lose interest in you...tell him you have cats ;) This sort of desperate guy who expressed interest in me on Myspace did not realize I didn't smoke or had cats. Apparently he's a chimney who's allergic to cats. But at least I got the chance to talk to him so I don't feel like I may have missed out on something. I think he still wants to date me though. I don't know if I'd ever be interested in dating him. I've made it clear that I trust nobody until they earn it. He invited me over to his house to watch movies but didn't get pissed when I told him that I didn't know him well enough. Ever talk to that kid in school that was so hard up for friends that he was willing to give you his favorite toy if you'd play with him? Well, this guy is kinda like that. My biggest problem is that it's not as easy to get rid of people as it is to allow them in. It's been a long time since I've had a date but it hasn't been THAT long. You want in, you've got a lot of ghosts to pass through. He might be good to have as a friend though. I don't know. You know, I wish I could meet someone that was convenient. Wanted me, lived like 5 minutes away, wasn't desperate, someone who fits into my life, fits in with my friends.....dreaming sure is fun heh I think Tribble may be sick. Mom can't tell if she's peeing much and she usually cleans the litterbox. Mom thinks she might have that urinary thing where they can't pee. I hope not. That will be expensive. She's been acting funny too..she hasn't left my room mostly all day. She is sleeping on the little table by my computer. Poor kitty. She hates the vet. I'm gonna take her in tomorrow after class just in case.
Current Mood: |
 tired | |
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Today I tried a step/interval aerobics class at the Y. Hates me, my body does. I have no coordination, especially when my body startes to wear out and get tired. Then afterwards I went over to Avalon and Damen's to pick up my hairbrush and since they hadn't eaten yet I invited myself for dinner hehe They didn't mind. We all went to the store since they needed pizza sauce and I bought dessert. The pizza was good, as usual. Nothing that Damen has cooked has ever been bad. Not gonna make Billy Corgan on Letterman :( I'm way too tired and I have to recover before work tomorrow. |
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Word for the day kids...back cleavage! Yes I have officially seen it all, there was a woman in the water aerobics class that had back cleavage. My brother thinks that the fat old guys in the class are only there to see women. I told him that's the LAST place you want to be to check out women. All of them besides me and maybe one other person are old and flabby and gimongous. Maybe I need to quit being a wuss and start doing some cardio or other young people exercises.
Current Mood: |
amused | |
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Billy Corgan will have a new album out. (Billy Corgan = Smashing Pumpkins lead) I will buy it. I love his voice. He's cute too..and on the cover :) I've gone to Yoga and Water aerobics sofar at the YMCA. Yoga seems to be helping my back, Water aerobics seems to be helping my waistline hehe The crush is coming in a month to visit and celebrate his b-day :) yay! Hope I don't blow it. *sigh* That's it for now I guess. I did write a longer one but it got erased by the 'must use the window in use' browser fuck up fairy. Oh yeah, and I'm gonna save money at geico hehe
Current Mood: |
happy |
Current Music: |
Billy Corgan - Mina Loy | |
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I finally saw Star Wars 1 and 2 and boy is Yoda a badass for a little guy. We are going to see 3 tomorrow. Then I'd like to see the originals again. I may have seen them as a kid but I don't remember. Avalon made me this user pic. Isn't it cool :) |
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I replied and told my crush that I had a crush. I feel a little better that it's out there. I realize that it probably had little impact but at least I had the courage to do it and it's off my chest. I hope it had the least impact on our friendship. Regardless of how he feels about me in other ways, I still want to be his friend. I can take rejection, I've had to do it so I've been on both ends. Maybe if he really thinks of me like a sister and nothing more he'll have the courage to say so and confirm it and then might understand being rejected a little better. Being rejected by someone you like doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you it just means that not everyone will feel the same as you. Next!
Current Mood: |
sleepy | |
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I got a new truck! It's a 2005 silver toyota tacoma 5 speed with a bedliner. It's mine....my own....my precioussss ;) At least it will be in 6 years when I get done paying for it. Interest was not bad...I got a better rate than my father did. My brother chastised me for not getting it while he was there to 'talk the guy down' but I hate waiting for it to be convenient for his girlfriend so he can go. All I have left to do is go to Mccoy Federal Credit Union and give them verification of my income, SS card, ID, insurance and all that stuff. I'm happy cause now I don't have to deal with my parents crappy cars. I may have to be a little less spendthrifty but I will thank myself when I am getting ready to buy a house cause my credit will be really nice.
Current Mood: |
 accomplished |
Current Music: |
Ren and Stimpy - 'Happy happy joy joy' | |
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God, why does she do this to me all the f'n time. Grandma changed her mind about the lottery like it's supposed to make me feel better or something. She decided that I should have the 500 bux. I'm STILL going on vacation, she STILL rubbed it in in the first place, she can't control me with money. School starts tomorrow, I didn't even get a break cause of work and Mother's Day holiday. At work today I walk in and my boss says 'The ethiopian is here!' to which I replied 'Yeah and I'm starving' he laughed and then later walked up to us and told us he would buy us breakfast if I went to go get it. Sometimes the man is awesome.
Current Mood: |
tired | |
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angelicdevyl's journal